My artist ego is Ajai, my alter ego that explores my art and craving for the outdoors and life lessons is Bohemian Tiger. Maybe hiding behind the alternate egos is a way to protect myself from the world I so desperately want to be a part of but want to be able to hide from at the same time.
Putting myself out there on YouTube has really been a challenge. Facing the camera and letting the world in on a little piece of who I am is easier when you don’t see my face…my identity…my true essence. I’ve been pretty transparent about my life here and have poured my heart and soul into some of my posts but there is something very unveiling about putting your face on YouTube that is hard to describe.
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Maybe it takes away the fantasy of who I am? When you read my posts, you can put any face to the comments and dream of what “that” person is or looks like. But when you have a face to look at, it changes the perception and concept of who that person really is. I know I am sometimes shocked when I meet or see a picture of someone I have admired through the arts or heard of through acquaintances. It can totally change your vision of that person. Sometimes for the better and sometimes…well let’s just say I was raised to say nothing at all.
When I paint, I don’t feel like “me” I feel connected to something that is way beyond this world. The “me” that holds the brush is just a conduit for something, some kind of energy that manifests in a place between “here” and “there” and doesn’t have a time or location.
Now that winter has hit pretty hard, I will be doing more painting than building at the off-grid cabin/cottage. It’s pretty tough getting up the off-road trail to the property so I find other ways to spend my time. My favorite of all pastimes is painting. I consider each of my works a meditation. I can lose time and find peace when I paint.
Working on the cabin/cottage one paycheck at a time and one weekend and sometimes one day at a time. I wish I could just work every day on the cabin…the only problem with that is then I wouldn’t have any way to pay for the supplies. Dang job thing is a reality…gotta have a job to have the funds to build. Gotta have time to build…this is going to be a fun dance between time and money. It seems like I often don’t have enough of either.
It takes 3 hours to drive up and another 3 to drive back so sometimes it’s just a few hours there and I do what I can. Some weekends I start at 7am and work until the sun goes down…then it’s my energy that gets in the way because the next morning I can barely move.
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Even if I have to do this one hour at a time and it takes me a decade to finish…I’m going to keep going. I have a vision of what I want this to be…how I want to spend time there…how I want to be there…it will get done at some point. I think the end result isn’t the only thing I’m looking forward to though. I think the process itself is part of the romance of this endeavor. Watching myself figure it out gives me hope that someday I will figure out life too…lol…maybe that is a bit much to ask?
Like and subscribe to my youtube channel for updates. https://www.youtube.com/ajaiart/bohemiantiger
I post videos there more often than I post updates here. But I do try to add highlights here.
I’ve really started taking advantage of the YouTube channel I started a while ago. If you want to spend some time there, please like and subscribe. I’m hoping to some day get enough views and subscribers to monetize the channel so I can make some extra cash for supplies for the cabin. Here’s the link to the channel. https://www.youtube.com/user/ajaiart/bohemiantiger
Some of the videos are about TMBR and the trials and tribulations of building on a budget. Some of the videos include my art and the process for creating. I hope that somewhere along my journey, I can help someone else that is facing some of the struggles we all have to work through as being human. Even if that is just learning how to laugh at yourself.
I am going to do as much of the work as I can to get this cabin/cottage done myself. I did outsource the foundation, framing and septic. It may take a few years to get it all done. I’m doing the work myself and by myself so every project is lesson in process and coming to terms with the fact that I don’t have a clue what I’m doing…lol
That being said, I don’t expect anyone to think my videos are a real “how to” but more of an expression in process and perfection aren’t really the answer. The answer is just keep trying.
This is a peek at the cabin insulation…Love and hugs!
I wasted months making excuses. I watched every plumbing how-to video on YouTube and read every how-to book on the subject I could find (including one in Spanish…at least I looked at the pictures) because it was the only one I could find at my local Home Depot. I talked to friends and folks on the street trying to get some insight into how to go about doing the rough-in plumbing on the cabin at TMBR (TM…a whole ‘nother story! Yes, I changed the name formerly known as TM to TMBR) and I still don’t have the knowledge or self confidence to do the work myself.
I mean really, it took forever to get the courage to bypass the propane tank on the RV. It’s time to face reality here. I need to get this done to move forward. I don’t have the time or skills to do this. I know! I can do anything I set my mind to! But you know what? I have limitations too! Sometimes, it just makes sense to pay a professional to do the work.
I guess it really came into full focus when I was going to go up to TMBR to start cutting holes in the floor and my kitchen sink at the house broke. I spent all day fixing it and realized I had caused the problem myself. When I replaced the garbage disposal a couple of years ago, I put one pipe in backwards. I didn’t even realize there was an up or down to it. granted, it did last 2 years before it gave way…but the point is, if I want the cabin rough-in done right…I’m NOT going to do it myself!
I will take the chance with the fixtures after everything else passes inspection and I know even if I make a mistake, it will be something I can fix relatively easily, just like the sink but making it past the inspectors for the LP lines and everything else is just too important and can hold up the rest of the project beyond what I am willing to wait right now.
Electrical Rough-in
I paid for the electrical rough-in already. I’m learning about so many other things right now, there just isn’t enough bandwidth to poke any more information into the space between my ears.
Time is also valuable and lately I just haven’t had much. I’m fighting with myself to create art. When I get home from work, I’m exhausted and just want to veg. Lately it’s been more about just forcing myself to create anything. I’ve been doing some crafting like making soap because I don’t have to think really hard or be available emotionally to handle what comes out of the brush strokes like I do when I’m painting. I’ve been needing more and more time to catch my breath and really need this cabin done so that I can just refill my bio-batteries and breathe.
Citrus Forest – Coconut and Olive Oil Soap by TMBR
Too many projects may look like a busy, full life…for me it has become a stagnant life. Half started this…gonna start that…I’ll get to it when…all the things that were in full steam mode a year ago have halted. I have halted.
Maybe it was the feeling of failure when I was laid off last summer. Maybe it’s because I still haven’t faced or dealt with the emotions of losing my mom, 2 aunts, 2 dogs a cat and a job all within 14 months. (May 1st this year will be the 2 year anniversary of mom passing.)What ever the reason…The fear of failure has set in. The need for a nap has taken over and I just want to find the fulfillment of finishing something that is important to me.
I have a mess of stuff I need to get rid of anyway. (I still haven’t cleaned out my studio of all the things that moved in before, during and when mom passed. I haven’t even started to get rid of stuff.) I need to sell stuff that is holding me back to make room for things that can take me forward. I only have a few things of actual monetary value. Not much value, but maybe enough to pay the plumber.
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That may be a big part of it too. Most things I own whether mine or my moms, have no $$ value. I’m always fixing what was broken or mending what I think has just a bit more life left if I just sew up one more hole. I’m the queen of Jerry rigging and proud of it for the most part…but I don’t want to sew up another hole at TMBR. I want it fixed right the first time.
I’ve learned a lot about plumbing this winter. At least I can say that for all the research I did trying to get to a point where I could do the rough-in myself, I know that I have enough knowledge now that if in the future something does break, I can fix it. But for now…I’m selling my “Plumbing for Dummies” to pay for a plumber!
