My artist ego is Ajai, my alter ego that explores my art and craving for the outdoors and life lessons is Bohemian Tiger. Maybe hiding behind the alternate egos is a way to protect myself from the world I so desperately want to be a part of but want to be able to hide from at the same time.

Putting myself out there on YouTube has really been a challenge. Facing the camera and letting the world in on a little piece of who I am is easier when you don’t see my face…my identity…my true essence. I’ve been pretty transparent about my life here and have poured my heart and soul into some of my posts but there is something very unveiling about putting your face on YouTube that is hard to describe.

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Maybe it takes away the fantasy of who I am? When you read my posts, you can put any face to the comments and dream of what “that” person is or looks like. But when you have a face to look at, it changes the perception and concept of who that person really is. I know I am sometimes shocked when I meet or see a picture of someone I have admired through the arts or heard of through acquaintances. It can totally change your vision of that person. Sometimes for the better and sometimes…well let’s just say I was raised to say nothing at all.

When I paint, I don’t feel like “me” I feel connected to something that is way beyond this world. The “me” that holds the brush is just a conduit for something, some kind of energy that manifests in a place between “here” and “there” and doesn’t have a time or location.

Meditation…connection…peace…