Category Archives: tiger tale

TMBR Bathroom Tile Episode 1

life as an artist, making money as an artist, Making Stuff, the world I live in, tiger tale

Working on the cabin/cottage one paycheck at a time and one weekend and sometimes one day at a time. I wish I could just work every day on the cabin…the only problem with that is then I wouldn’t have any way to pay for the supplies. Dang job thing is a reality…gotta have a job to have the funds to build. Gotta have time to build…this is going to be a fun dance between time and money. It seems like I often don’t have enough of either.

It takes 3 hours to drive up and another 3 to drive back so sometimes it’s just a few hours there and I do what I can. Some weekends I start at 7am and work until the sun goes down…then it’s my energy that gets in the way because the next morning I can barely move.

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Even if I have to do this one hour at a time and it takes me a decade to finish…I’m going to keep going. I have a vision of what I want this to be…how I want to spend time there…how I want to be there…it will get done at some point. I think the end result isn’t the only thing I’m looking forward to though. I think the process itself is part of the romance of this endeavor. Watching myself figure it out gives me hope that someday I will figure out life too…lol…maybe that is a bit much to ask?

Like and subscribe to my youtube channel for updates. https://www.youtube.com/ajaiart/bohemiantiger
I post videos there more often than I post updates here. But I do try to add highlights here.

Off-Gridness

life as an artist, the world I live in, tiger tale

The best part of building a cottage in the middle of nowhere is the the off-gridness of it. Like the old TV show Gilligan’s Island…”No phones, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury, like Robinson Caruso, it’s primitive as can be…”

I can actually feel the difference in my mind and body when I am out of RF range. It’s almost like the constant hum of radio frequency adds a weight to your head and heart that is overwhelmingly present when you realize what it feels like to be away from it.

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Cabin Insulation at TMBR

house hacks, life as an artist, making money as an artist, Making Stuff, My Art, tiger tale

I’ve really started taking advantage of the YouTube channel I started a while ago. If you want to spend some time there, please like and subscribe. I’m hoping to some day get enough views and subscribers to monetize the channel so I can make some extra cash for supplies for the cabin. Here’s the link to the channel.
https://www.youtube.com/user/ajaiart/bohemiantiger

Some of the videos are about TMBR and the trials and tribulations of building on a budget. Some of the videos include my art and the process for creating. I hope that somewhere along my journey, I can help someone else that is facing some of the struggles we all have to work through as being human. Even if that is just learning how to laugh at yourself.

I am going to do as much of the work as I can to get this cabin/cottage done myself. I did outsource the foundation, framing and septic. It may take a few years to get it all done. I’m doing the work myself and by myself so every project is lesson in process and coming to terms with the fact that I don’t have a clue what I’m doing…lol

That being said, I don’t expect anyone to think my videos are a real “how to” but more of an expression in process and perfection aren’t really the answer. The answer is just keep trying.

This is a peek at the cabin insulation…Love and hugs!

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How do you measure progress

life as an artist, the world I live in, tiger tale

How do you measure progress?

Is it how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Maybe it’s how far you can jump or run? Do you measure against something or someone else?

I’ve always tried really hard to only measure myself against my previous self. I’m finding that a bit hard these days. It’s great in theory to say “I’m better today than I was yesterday” but when you see the world around you moving at such a fast pace and catch your reflection in a passing mirror and and not like what you see or second guess the the clothing choice you made that morning, it’s time to stop! Get off the pitty-pot and rediscover your sense of self.

Yeah…I know…who the hell am I to be telling anyone how to be? I’m not really telling you how to be…I’m just reaffirming for myself in a public forum how I want to be. Or, to some degree, how I don’t want to be…

I think I’ve been kinda whiny lately. Griping about things out of my control or complaining about things I normally wouldn’t. I wasn’t sure why or what was going on until I read one of my own Facebook posts.

It suddenly dawned on me…I’ve been hanging around my ex more than usual. We’ve been friends since the breakup, but I’ve been pretty good about keeping my distance and so has he, but then, he bought a piece of property very close to my (TMBR) and I joked that he would never spend any time there because he is NOT an outdoorsy person. He’s a loud video game/Netflix kinda guy…he likes crisp ironed shirts and shiny things…not dirt and silence.

But recently he decided to check out his property by coming to mine. I guess I was intrigued by his sudden interest in being in the sun and we went for a drive to see the sites around his new chunk of dirt with an old cabin (maybe early 1900’s old).   I knew it wasn’t all it appeared when we were done driving around and he spent most of the time “out there” in his car smoking and listening to the radio.

But for a moment, I thought that maybe it would be nice to have someone around that could help me with the cabin at TMBR…maybe even someone to spend time with there…It was a short lesson in reality! We were together for 14+ years when I decided to end the relationship. I had many reasons, one of which was I never got much help…why did I think it would be different now?

He came out again the next week and said he would help me work on the bathroom. He sat in his car…he sat on a chair in the cabin and played with his phone while I worked. He did hand me a tool a couple of times but acted as if I was interrupting him when I asked from atop the ladder. When I took a break, he told me all about the help he needed on his new property down the road. He said he needed me to show him where it was because he didn’t remember the turn…

I showed him the way and he asked me if I could help him get the door open. It was latched with an old flip latch and needed to be removed with a screwdriver. He said he was going to look in his car for a tool. I brought my tools and by the time I had his door open and the latch swapped out for a new one and the bushes cut away from the door so you could even get to it, he had his lawn lounger unpacked from his car and was ready to sit down again. He never did find that screwdriver he was looking for… It got really clear what his true intentions were.

I know on a few occasions, before it became clear why he was there, I felt like I was questioning my sanity for allowing myself to be vulnerable. Especially after all we went through. We’ve hung out a few times over the last 3 years since we separated and each time I had that undeniable feeling that I was right for breaking up with him. I’m almost hyper aware of how under-valued I was in the relationship and even with the obvious attempts that he has made to “be nice to me” it is very clear that the only importance I have in his eyes is that I can do stuff he can’t or won’t and I have been willing in the past to put him before me to my own detriment and debt. I am no more important now than I was when we were together.

Why is he still trying to be close to me if he doesn’t really value or care? Because he wants something! I’ve found that in most abusive or negative relationships, it’s not about love, admiration and respect…it’s about “what can I take from you” and “how far will you let me take it?” It really is more about power and control than love or intimacy.

So this all takes me back to the whole whiny, complaining wah, wah stuff I mentioned earlier. I was feeling sorry for myself for not being valued by someone that I knew didn’t value me. Go figure! This isn’t just my problem…I see it all the time in both women and men…people seeking approval from outside of themselves wondering why they are miserable. I can’t speak for the world…only myself…

If you are not respected in a relationship…Walk away…find yourself…start again…

This takes me back to the original question…How do you measure progress? Is it never falling down? Or, is it being able to get back up no matter how many times you fall?

I’m not sure I know how to fix me. All I know is I’m going to keep trying! If I fall…I’m going to get back up! If I catch myself being stupid…I’m going to stop! Get off the pitty-pot and rediscover my sense of self. Progress doesn’t have to be measured…it just has to happen! Love and Hugs!

Rocky and Rizzo at the beach

To Beach or not to Beach

life as an artist, tiger tale, , , , , ,

Growing up part-time in LA predisposes one to a life long quest for beach front property. Or so I thought.

All of my adult life, I’ve pondered the idea of someday owning a piece of beachfront and spending countless hours with my toes in the sand and my senses engulfed in the smell of the sea and sound of the surf. Thoughts of sand pushing back against my feet as I walk along the shore picking up seashells and tasting the salt in the air as it passes over my lips on the way inland, have kept me going back year after year.

I’ve taken trips to Southern California many times as an adult. My kids spent many hours playing in the surf and picking sand out of their hair. The ocean called and I answered with a sense of duty and terror driven enthusiasm. As much as I love the ocean, I have always been afraid of it.

As a small child, I was taken out from the safety of shore by a wicked rip-tide. I had more than just sand in my hair…I have faint memories of the sand and water spinning me around and scraping my face on the floor of the ocean and a wave crashing down on me just as I felt the mist in the air above the water. I don’t remember anything after that until my mom and lifeguards were rinsing the sand out of my eyes on the shore.

Memorial sign at the Emmanuel Faith Community Church
Memorial sign at the Emmanuel Faith Community Church

I guess being afraid is what made me want to go in. I had to face my fear. I got certified to dive and learned to snorkel and went in the ocean every chance I got! I swam with seals off the peer in Hermosa…I snorkeled over a shark off Catalina…I even swam in Shark Bay near Phi Phi Island. Granted…I didn’t know it was a shark haven until after I’d been in the water for quite some time. Thank goodness the boat some 100 yards away was feeding them, so they weren’t hungry when I was in the water.

I went to Cali again this past weekend. It wasn’t for pleasure. It was my uncle’s memorial service. I ran straight to the beach as soon as I got settled in the motel. The smell of salt in the air should have called me to get in…it didn’t. I thought maybe it was because I had the dogs with me and that the feeling to get in would come later when I didn’t have them with me. It never came. I took the dogs back again and still had no desire to get in the water. I wasn’t afraid. I just wasn’t called. I enjoyed the time on the beach and the dogs had a great time and loved all the new smells.

Flowers at TMBR
Flowers at TMBR

On the way back to the motel, from the last trip to the beach, I felt homesick. For the first time in my life, I was homesick for the wind on TMBR! I realized on that highway, that I didn’t need the ocean to make me happy. I am very happy when I hear the wind and the sounds of birds and and the quiet of a misty morning in the woods.

All the daydreams of buying a chunk of sand by the big water suddenly dissipated and I just wanted to get “HOME” to my little slice of heaven I call TMBR. I want to feel the sun on my face, the wind in my hair and hear the sound of my hawk as he swoops down from the heavens to buzz the dogs and look for ground squirrels.

It’s kinda funny how the universe works. You can spend all of your life looking for something that you don’t need. And, when you have all you ever wanted, you don’t see it.

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, ‘tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover’d country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.—Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember’d.
~William Shakespeare

TMBR - Tiger Mountain Bohemian Retreat

Plumbing for Dummies

house hacks, life as an artist, Making Stuff, tiger tale

Ok! I give!

Plumbing How-To - Spanish Version
Plumbing How-To – Spanish Version

I wasted months making excuses. I watched every plumbing how-to video on YouTube and read every how-to book on the subject I could find (including one in Spanish…at least I looked at the pictures) because it was the only one I could find at my local Home Depot. I talked to friends and folks on the street trying to get some insight into how to go about doing the rough-in plumbing on the cabin at TMBR (TM…a whole ‘nother story! Yes, I changed the name formerly known as TM to TMBR) and I still don’t have the knowledge or self confidence to do the work myself.

I mean really, it took forever to get the courage to bypass the propane tank on the RV. It’s time to face reality here. I need to get this done to move forward. I don’t have the time or skills to do this. I know! I can do anything I set my mind to! But you know what? I have limitations too! Sometimes, it just makes sense to pay a professional to do the work.

I guess it really came into full focus when I was going to go up to TMBR to start cutting holes in the floor and my kitchen sink at the house broke. I spent all day fixing it and realized I had caused the problem myself. When I replaced the garbage disposal a couple of years ago, I put one pipe in backwards. I didn’t even realize there was an up or down to it. granted, it did last 2 years before it gave way…but the point is, if I want the cabin rough-in done right…I’m NOT going to do it myself!

I will take the chance with the fixtures after everything else passes inspection and I know even if I make a mistake, it will be something I can fix relatively easily, just like the sink but making it past the inspectors for the LP lines and everything else is just too important and can hold up the rest of the project beyond what I am willing to wait right now.

Electrical Rough-in
Electrical Rough-in

I paid for the electrical rough-in already. I’m learning about so many other things right now, there just isn’t enough bandwidth to poke any more information into the space between my ears.

Time is also valuable and lately I just haven’t had much. I’m fighting with myself to create art. When I get home from work, I’m exhausted and just want to veg. Lately it’s been more about just forcing myself to create anything. I’ve been doing some crafting like making soap because I don’t have to think really hard or be  available emotionally to handle what comes out of the brush strokes  like I do when I’m painting. I’ve been needing more and more time to catch my breath and really need this cabin done so that I can just refill my bio-batteries and breathe.

Citrus Forest - Coconut and Olive Oil Soap by TMBR
Citrus Forest – Coconut and Olive Oil Soap by TMBR

Too many projects may look like a busy, full life…for me it has become a stagnant life. Half started this…gonna start that…I’ll get to it when…all the things that were in full steam mode a year ago have halted. I have halted.

Maybe it was the feeling of failure when I was laid off last summer. Maybe it’s because I still haven’t faced or dealt with the emotions of losing my mom, 2 aunts, 2 dogs a cat and a job all within 14 months. (May 1st this year will be the 2 year anniversary of mom passing.)What ever the reason…The fear of failure has set in. The need for a nap has taken over and I just want to find the fulfillment of finishing something that is important to me.

I have a mess of stuff I need to get rid of anyway. (I still haven’t cleaned out my studio of all the things that moved in before, during and when mom passed. I haven’t even started to get rid of stuff.) I need to sell stuff that is holding me back to make room for things that can take me forward.  I only have a few things of actual monetary value. Not much value, but maybe enough to pay the plumber.

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That may be a big part of it too. Most things I own whether mine or my moms, have no $$ value. I’m always fixing what was broken or mending what I think has just a bit more life left if I just sew up one more hole. I’m the queen of Jerry rigging and proud of it for the most part…but I don’t want to sew up another hole at TMBR. I want it fixed right the first time.

I’ve learned a lot about plumbing this winter. At least I can say that for all the research I did trying to get to a point where I could do the rough-in myself, I know that I have enough knowledge now that if in the future something does break, I can fix it.  But for now…I’m selling my “Plumbing for Dummies” to pay for a plumber!

How to bypass a propane tank on an old RV

house hacks, life as an artist, the world I live in, tiger tale

*Disclaimer…I am not a professional plumber or licensed in any way. If you blow yourself up doing this…it’s not my fault! If you are not confident in your ability to do this yourself…don’t do it yourself and pay someone with the skills to do it safely.

Coffee made on an RV stove
Coffee made on an RV stove

I have an old RV that I have parked at Tiger Mountain and am not able to get it to a location to refill the LP tank so that I can use the appliances inside. I decided the best way to deal with this is to bypass the onboard tank so that I can use a standard gas grill tank.

propane tank bypass
I bypassed the onboard tank so I could use a standard propane grill tank for my RV appliances

After not finding the answers to my questions after tons of YouTube videos and asking friends and family what to do…I went to talk to the local hardware store staff. Finally…I have the answer and was able to do the work myself! I figured I would share this with my followers so that maybe…just maybe what took me a few hurdles will be much more simple for you if you need the info.

propane gauge
propane gauge

First things first! make sure your onboard tank is empty. Then, turn it off to make sure you are not cutting the pipe while there is gas in it. Some old tanks have a gauge so you can see if it is empty. Some don’t, so use your best judgement on how to be sure it is empty.

propane valve
Be sure to turn off the propane

I wasn’t sure if my gauge was accurate, so I just used it up until it was obvious that it was empty and then left it “on” with all windows open in the RV for a few minutes after I made my last pot of coffee to be sure the lines were empty.

Once I was sure the lines were empty, I turned the valve to “Closed” and used a pipe cutter

pipe cutter
pipe cutter

to take a small section of the pipe out so I could use it as a guide when I went to the hardware store to find the parts needed.

pipe section
The pipe section I removed with a pipe cutter

When working with gas lines, you will need a compression connector that can attach to a thread-less copper tube. Because my RV is a 1977, it has an older copper tubing that is no longer available at most hardware stores. I was a bit worried that I wouldn’t find a 1/2″ fitting that would work and was prepared to have to make due with a retrofit of some type. Luckily for me, the thickness of the tubing is all that was really different. the advantage to using the compression connection is that it will fit the outside circumference and the inside will not make that big of a difference in the LP flow.

compression connector and flare valve
compression connector and flare valve

I also had to pick up a 1/2 to 3/8 flare valve so that I would have a place to thread the propane hose connector. Putting it all together was pretty easy to do. The biggest thing is make sure you tighten the fittings and check for leaks with a soap solution to be sure you are well connected.

RV stove burner
RV stove burner after onboard propane bypass
Please, if you have concerns or are not comfortable doing this yourself…have a professional do the work for you. It may cost a few bucks but that is well worth your safety and sanity!

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How I found out I’m lost

life as an artist, the world I live in, tiger tale


Have you ever climbed out of bed in the morning feeling like there was just something missing in your life? You couldn’t figure out what it was but you knew there was a hole in your big picture?

I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately. First I thought it was because I have lost so many people I love in less than a year…My mom, 2 aunts, a cat and a dog. Then I thought maybe it was because I’ve become so overwhelmed by politics that I was just “upset” and that all would be well once the shock of the current craziness wears off.  I quickly realized that the crazy is here to stay for at least 4 years and there is not much I can do about it other than stay away from the extremes on either side of the political pendulum.

After some soul searching and a few cups of my favorite homemade ginger and cinnamon tea, I decided to meditate on it for a while and see if my universal connection could give me some answers. Come to find out…it wasn’t anything external at all…I was missing…I have been going through the motions and doing what I’m supposed to do on a very superficial level. I have not been ME for a while now.




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I know I said I could manage a full-time job and continue to do art and be creative. Well, maybe I was wrong. I did manage to have a show every month of 2016 but many of the shows were just recycled versions of the ones before. I only created a few small new works in 2016. Again, I will give myself a bit of slack. I was hit hard by death and devastation in 2016 and the fact that I kept my head up at all was only due to my grandma in my head saying…”find the blue jeans…”

I guess sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself. I know deep in my heart that TM is “home” for me. I feel homesick when I can’t get up there. I am working to get a small cabin built there and have started on the studio space. I spent every moment I could there last summer and even into late fall trying to get things ready for the thaw this year so my “home” can be completed.

Here is a link to a post on Facebook after I built a cabinet stair for the studio. And this is the beginning of the hole in the ground… waiting for spring thaw to build the cabin…digging-foundation

I’ve been very lost this past year. I’ve kept moving forward but haven’t been myself. I have been creative but not in the typical sense…I’m not making grand paintings, but I did create an awesome cabinet stair and I’m hoping to find me on my mountain top this spring and summer. I’m hoping to find that deep need for creative outlet will keep me going through anything the universe has in store for me. Sometimes the thick gets in the way and we get lost…but I have faith that the journey to find my way out will not only keep me moving forward but will offer experiences to feed my creative energy once I find my way out of being lost.

Life after the death of a loved one

life as an artist, the world I live in, tiger tale



Moving on after losing a loved one is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I haven’t mastered it by any stretch of the imagination. When my dad and Grampa and even my dog died in 1999, I was a wreck for over a year…When my mom and aunt and even another dog died in 2016… I…I just haven’t been quite the same. I’m going through the motions. I’m building a cabin at TM and I get up and go to work every day but I have to force myself to “be strong” and not fall apart every time someone looks at me.

This is my first attempt at getting back into the real world. I had stopped blogging when I went back to a “real job” and I swore I could do it without losing my handle on art so I put some energy into painting and I had art in a gallery every month of 2016, but I just haven’t been able to really go anywhere with it because I really just don’t know how. I struggle to talk about anything now. Its been hard for so long now…I’m not sure how to start. This may all seem like gibberish…that’s fine…If I can just get the pump primed by letting the emotional block loose just a bit…

I guess I’m at that age where everyone I know is either taking care of a parent or they have lost a parent recently and that makes it even harder to let out my emotion because I don’t want to make it all about me when I see so many others going through the same thing and hurting just as bad. Even those of us with issues with our parents from youth have learned to see beyond those petty issues and see the person we once thought was invincible become weak and frail and somehow we found ourselves hopelessly in love with the person we once thought just “didn’t get us”… Saying good-bye is so much easier when you are angry…when you let in the love…it hurts so…so much more…

Thanks for putting up with my babble…it may take a few tries to get the words to flow again…I have so many things I want to say…I just have to figure out how to get them out of me…

Love and hugs and happy thoughts…

color-me_ajai

step 1.1 (money makes the world go ’round)

life as an artist, making money as an artist, My Art, tiger tale

So…in Step One, I said…”…eliminate all things, people and emotional baggage that serves no purpose toward helping me reach my highest potential in the creative process!”

Somehow, I thought I could give up all my worldly possessions and become some sort of Zen master as I embarked on this journey. I was already starting out with pocket change and thought pennies and a little pocket lint could get me started on my grand journey and new adventure! Then…I got the utility bill…and the tax man visited and I had to pay for gas to get to the new Tiger Mountain…wow…what a buzz kill!

I thought to myself, “I could just find more project work!” That is what I have been doing for over a year now trying to supplement my measly earnings from my now drastically cut back “job” and all I would need to do is land that awesome gig building a website to get me over the hump and back on the track that leads to creative freedom and spiritual growth.

In my quest for projects, I ran across ad after ad grabbing at my desire to reach my full potential in art and the creative process and scam after scam from “get rich and find your center” programs and online tutorials from various religious and spiritual sales people. When did Buddhism start charging money for enlightenment? I must have missed that memo…

The beast within quickly came to the surface as I realized I need money and I need it badly! The internal fight over money vs sanity has set in and I find myself battling my own desires for peace and tranquility…I can easily justify going back to the corporate world I so despise to make a buck or two to get me through…WTF?! I know me…I know that if I go back to that world, I will get sucked in and drained of all of my desire to create and possibly my desire to live…so why would I even consider it?

Because I am scared…I’m scared of success and failure at the same time…what if I put everything I have into just making and selling art? Well…if I am successful, I have to do it indefinitely. OMG…what does that mean? If I am not successful, what does that mean? I’m not good enough? F***! I have been halfassing it for a while now…I do a little art and mostly newsletters and web updates and dumb stuff that pays pretty well but sucks rocks for enjoy ability…I’m like the dog and bone story…I’m walking over the bridge with my bone in my mouth looking at my reflection in the water below…should I drop the bone and go after the one I see reflected or keep trotting over the bridge to the other side? I don’t want to lose the bone I already have for one that may not really be there…

Time to get back on the horse! I need to get organized…I need to make more art! Starting right now! So here it is…if you would like to print this and color it…please post it to my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/ILikeAjaiArt

color-me_ajai
color-me_ajai