Category Archives: the world I live in

Life is Short…Be Happy

artsy stuff, Dreams, life as an artist, the world I live in

I just had the most amazing dream…long story short…me and a bunch of people were doing a strange exercise to breathe in as deep as possible and as we exhaled, we had to say something really profound to the partner sitting across from us. All the characters in the dream were from a show I’ve been watching called Magicians.

Anyway…

As everone was going around taking their turn, I was concerned that I wouldn’t have anything to say or anything that mattered. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to take a big enough breath and that somehow I would fail the exercise. Each of the sayings were very profound or at least I felt like they were at the time during the dream.

The last pair was up and I remember feeling my partner next to me or sort of behind me. I couldn’t see who it was. I watched with deep intent as the last pair spoke, it was profound. I wish I could remember what she said. I was still worried that I wouldn’t be good enough. It was my turn. I didn’t know what I was going to say as I inhaled deeply. As I started to let out my breath, I felt my partner’s hand on my shoulder. It wasn’t a person. It felt like God. As I opened my mouth I felt the words come from God through me and the words were… “Life is short, be happy.”

Then I woke up. I was not only compelled to write this down but as I wrote it in one of my many sketchbooks, something said to write it for the world. I started to write a post in Facebook but within the first paragraph I felt I had to write it in my online journal. I argued with myself for a moment because it has been so long since I wrote anything there that I might not remember my password. Then a calm washed over me and I opened a notepad on my laptop. I am writing as I go. I will figure out the password issue when I get there.

Well, I’m here. I made it through the password protected environment and into my online journal. I don’t know if any of this is very profound. I see this saying on bumper stickers and T-shirts all the time so it’s certainly isn’t new. But maybe someone else needs to read this. This is my bumper sticker.

If nothing else, listening to my dream and my compulsion to write it down brought me here. It also took me to one of my sketch books to start and I saw a few doodles and some other notes on dreams that gave me some ideas for a painting.

Listen to your dreams. They are telling you something. Even if you don’t think it is important. Follow…Your dreams will guide you. And most importantly…remember. Life is Short…Be Happy.

Horse Triptych

artsy stuff, life as an artist, Making Stuff, My Art, the world I live in

My artist ego is Ajai, my alter ego that explores my art and craving for the outdoors and life lessons is Bohemian Tiger. Maybe hiding behind the alternate egos is a way to protect myself from the world I so desperately want to be a part of but want to be able to hide from at the same time.

Putting myself out there on YouTube has really been a challenge. Facing the camera and letting the world in on a little piece of who I am is easier when you don’t see my face…my identity…my true essence. I’ve been pretty transparent about my life here and have poured my heart and soul into some of my posts but there is something very unveiling about putting your face on YouTube that is hard to describe.

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Maybe it takes away the fantasy of who I am? When you read my posts, you can put any face to the comments and dream of what “that” person is or looks like. But when you have a face to look at, it changes the perception and concept of who that person really is. I know I am sometimes shocked when I meet or see a picture of someone I have admired through the arts or heard of through acquaintances. It can totally change your vision of that person. Sometimes for the better and sometimes…well let’s just say I was raised to say nothing at all.

When I paint, I don’t feel like “me” I feel connected to something that is way beyond this world. The “me” that holds the brush is just a conduit for something, some kind of energy that manifests in a place between “here” and “there” and doesn’t have a time or location.

Meditation…connection…peace…

TMBR Bathroom Tile Episode 1

life as an artist, making money as an artist, Making Stuff, the world I live in, tiger tale

Working on the cabin/cottage one paycheck at a time and one weekend and sometimes one day at a time. I wish I could just work every day on the cabin…the only problem with that is then I wouldn’t have any way to pay for the supplies. Dang job thing is a reality…gotta have a job to have the funds to build. Gotta have time to build…this is going to be a fun dance between time and money. It seems like I often don’t have enough of either.

It takes 3 hours to drive up and another 3 to drive back so sometimes it’s just a few hours there and I do what I can. Some weekends I start at 7am and work until the sun goes down…then it’s my energy that gets in the way because the next morning I can barely move.

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Even if I have to do this one hour at a time and it takes me a decade to finish…I’m going to keep going. I have a vision of what I want this to be…how I want to spend time there…how I want to be there…it will get done at some point. I think the end result isn’t the only thing I’m looking forward to though. I think the process itself is part of the romance of this endeavor. Watching myself figure it out gives me hope that someday I will figure out life too…lol…maybe that is a bit much to ask?

Like and subscribe to my youtube channel for updates. https://www.youtube.com/ajaiart/bohemiantiger
I post videos there more often than I post updates here. But I do try to add highlights here.

Off-Gridness

life as an artist, the world I live in, tiger tale

The best part of building a cottage in the middle of nowhere is the the off-gridness of it. Like the old TV show Gilligan’s Island…”No phones, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury, like Robinson Caruso, it’s primitive as can be…”

I can actually feel the difference in my mind and body when I am out of RF range. It’s almost like the constant hum of radio frequency adds a weight to your head and heart that is overwhelmingly present when you realize what it feels like to be away from it.

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How do you measure progress

life as an artist, the world I live in, tiger tale

How do you measure progress?

Is it how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Maybe it’s how far you can jump or run? Do you measure against something or someone else?

I’ve always tried really hard to only measure myself against my previous self. I’m finding that a bit hard these days. It’s great in theory to say “I’m better today than I was yesterday” but when you see the world around you moving at such a fast pace and catch your reflection in a passing mirror and and not like what you see or second guess the the clothing choice you made that morning, it’s time to stop! Get off the pitty-pot and rediscover your sense of self.

Yeah…I know…who the hell am I to be telling anyone how to be? I’m not really telling you how to be…I’m just reaffirming for myself in a public forum how I want to be. Or, to some degree, how I don’t want to be…

I think I’ve been kinda whiny lately. Griping about things out of my control or complaining about things I normally wouldn’t. I wasn’t sure why or what was going on until I read one of my own Facebook posts.

It suddenly dawned on me…I’ve been hanging around my ex more than usual. We’ve been friends since the breakup, but I’ve been pretty good about keeping my distance and so has he, but then, he bought a piece of property very close to my (TMBR) and I joked that he would never spend any time there because he is NOT an outdoorsy person. He’s a loud video game/Netflix kinda guy…he likes crisp ironed shirts and shiny things…not dirt and silence.

But recently he decided to check out his property by coming to mine. I guess I was intrigued by his sudden interest in being in the sun and we went for a drive to see the sites around his new chunk of dirt with an old cabin (maybe early 1900’s old).   I knew it wasn’t all it appeared when we were done driving around and he spent most of the time “out there” in his car smoking and listening to the radio.

But for a moment, I thought that maybe it would be nice to have someone around that could help me with the cabin at TMBR…maybe even someone to spend time with there…It was a short lesson in reality! We were together for 14+ years when I decided to end the relationship. I had many reasons, one of which was I never got much help…why did I think it would be different now?

He came out again the next week and said he would help me work on the bathroom. He sat in his car…he sat on a chair in the cabin and played with his phone while I worked. He did hand me a tool a couple of times but acted as if I was interrupting him when I asked from atop the ladder. When I took a break, he told me all about the help he needed on his new property down the road. He said he needed me to show him where it was because he didn’t remember the turn…

I showed him the way and he asked me if I could help him get the door open. It was latched with an old flip latch and needed to be removed with a screwdriver. He said he was going to look in his car for a tool. I brought my tools and by the time I had his door open and the latch swapped out for a new one and the bushes cut away from the door so you could even get to it, he had his lawn lounger unpacked from his car and was ready to sit down again. He never did find that screwdriver he was looking for… It got really clear what his true intentions were.

I know on a few occasions, before it became clear why he was there, I felt like I was questioning my sanity for allowing myself to be vulnerable. Especially after all we went through. We’ve hung out a few times over the last 3 years since we separated and each time I had that undeniable feeling that I was right for breaking up with him. I’m almost hyper aware of how under-valued I was in the relationship and even with the obvious attempts that he has made to “be nice to me” it is very clear that the only importance I have in his eyes is that I can do stuff he can’t or won’t and I have been willing in the past to put him before me to my own detriment and debt. I am no more important now than I was when we were together.

Why is he still trying to be close to me if he doesn’t really value or care? Because he wants something! I’ve found that in most abusive or negative relationships, it’s not about love, admiration and respect…it’s about “what can I take from you” and “how far will you let me take it?” It really is more about power and control than love or intimacy.

So this all takes me back to the whole whiny, complaining wah, wah stuff I mentioned earlier. I was feeling sorry for myself for not being valued by someone that I knew didn’t value me. Go figure! This isn’t just my problem…I see it all the time in both women and men…people seeking approval from outside of themselves wondering why they are miserable. I can’t speak for the world…only myself…

If you are not respected in a relationship…Walk away…find yourself…start again…

This takes me back to the original question…How do you measure progress? Is it never falling down? Or, is it being able to get back up no matter how many times you fall?

I’m not sure I know how to fix me. All I know is I’m going to keep trying! If I fall…I’m going to get back up! If I catch myself being stupid…I’m going to stop! Get off the pitty-pot and rediscover my sense of self. Progress doesn’t have to be measured…it just has to happen! Love and Hugs!

How to bypass a propane tank on an old RV

house hacks, life as an artist, the world I live in, tiger tale

*Disclaimer…I am not a professional plumber or licensed in any way. If you blow yourself up doing this…it’s not my fault! If you are not confident in your ability to do this yourself…don’t do it yourself and pay someone with the skills to do it safely.

Coffee made on an RV stove
Coffee made on an RV stove

I have an old RV that I have parked at Tiger Mountain and am not able to get it to a location to refill the LP tank so that I can use the appliances inside. I decided the best way to deal with this is to bypass the onboard tank so that I can use a standard gas grill tank.

propane tank bypass
I bypassed the onboard tank so I could use a standard propane grill tank for my RV appliances

After not finding the answers to my questions after tons of YouTube videos and asking friends and family what to do…I went to talk to the local hardware store staff. Finally…I have the answer and was able to do the work myself! I figured I would share this with my followers so that maybe…just maybe what took me a few hurdles will be much more simple for you if you need the info.

propane gauge
propane gauge

First things first! make sure your onboard tank is empty. Then, turn it off to make sure you are not cutting the pipe while there is gas in it. Some old tanks have a gauge so you can see if it is empty. Some don’t, so use your best judgement on how to be sure it is empty.

propane valve
Be sure to turn off the propane

I wasn’t sure if my gauge was accurate, so I just used it up until it was obvious that it was empty and then left it “on” with all windows open in the RV for a few minutes after I made my last pot of coffee to be sure the lines were empty.

Once I was sure the lines were empty, I turned the valve to “Closed” and used a pipe cutter

pipe cutter
pipe cutter

to take a small section of the pipe out so I could use it as a guide when I went to the hardware store to find the parts needed.

pipe section
The pipe section I removed with a pipe cutter

When working with gas lines, you will need a compression connector that can attach to a thread-less copper tube. Because my RV is a 1977, it has an older copper tubing that is no longer available at most hardware stores. I was a bit worried that I wouldn’t find a 1/2″ fitting that would work and was prepared to have to make due with a retrofit of some type. Luckily for me, the thickness of the tubing is all that was really different. the advantage to using the compression connection is that it will fit the outside circumference and the inside will not make that big of a difference in the LP flow.

compression connector and flare valve
compression connector and flare valve

I also had to pick up a 1/2 to 3/8 flare valve so that I would have a place to thread the propane hose connector. Putting it all together was pretty easy to do. The biggest thing is make sure you tighten the fittings and check for leaks with a soap solution to be sure you are well connected.

RV stove burner
RV stove burner after onboard propane bypass
Please, if you have concerns or are not comfortable doing this yourself…have a professional do the work for you. It may cost a few bucks but that is well worth your safety and sanity!

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Sunsets make happy

artsy stuff, life as an artist, the world I live in, , ,

Looking through the multitude of Facebook posts, I find myself skipping over the political stands and “woe is me” suction of the daily life in the city. Focusing instead on the many sunset and sunrise pictures posted by the fortunate few who see them from exotic locations and share them with glee as they walk you through the day that led to the phenomenal sun kissed images of the setting orb of light.

SunsetHorses at sunset
I’m not jealous…I may not have the sea as a dunking hole for the orb, but I have hills and valleys a plenty. Even in the city…I see a few folks here and there posting some of the most amazing sunsets with a foreground of hustle and bustle chaotic enough to start a wave of crazy! Yet, the sunset is serene and calm…never asking for awe, but surely receiving it from the sigh of delight and subtle moan of inner pleasure…Setting sunSunset with clouds
As I gaze upon the light…setting softly into the hills…I wonder…will tomorrow be as momentous? Is this as good as it gets? Will the days that follow be as glorious as right now?! Why bother with the questions? Why waste this precious moment wondering what will be? Enjoy…then behold the next morning…sun set from the past…rises again even better than the last!20170819_06402220170812_063019
Grateful…thankful…inspired…

Always find the happy in your day!

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How I found out I’m lost

life as an artist, the world I live in, tiger tale


Have you ever climbed out of bed in the morning feeling like there was just something missing in your life? You couldn’t figure out what it was but you knew there was a hole in your big picture?

I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately. First I thought it was because I have lost so many people I love in less than a year…My mom, 2 aunts, a cat and a dog. Then I thought maybe it was because I’ve become so overwhelmed by politics that I was just “upset” and that all would be well once the shock of the current craziness wears off.  I quickly realized that the crazy is here to stay for at least 4 years and there is not much I can do about it other than stay away from the extremes on either side of the political pendulum.

After some soul searching and a few cups of my favorite homemade ginger and cinnamon tea, I decided to meditate on it for a while and see if my universal connection could give me some answers. Come to find out…it wasn’t anything external at all…I was missing…I have been going through the motions and doing what I’m supposed to do on a very superficial level. I have not been ME for a while now.




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I know I said I could manage a full-time job and continue to do art and be creative. Well, maybe I was wrong. I did manage to have a show every month of 2016 but many of the shows were just recycled versions of the ones before. I only created a few small new works in 2016. Again, I will give myself a bit of slack. I was hit hard by death and devastation in 2016 and the fact that I kept my head up at all was only due to my grandma in my head saying…”find the blue jeans…”

I guess sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself. I know deep in my heart that TM is “home” for me. I feel homesick when I can’t get up there. I am working to get a small cabin built there and have started on the studio space. I spent every moment I could there last summer and even into late fall trying to get things ready for the thaw this year so my “home” can be completed.

Here is a link to a post on Facebook after I built a cabinet stair for the studio. And this is the beginning of the hole in the ground… waiting for spring thaw to build the cabin…digging-foundation

I’ve been very lost this past year. I’ve kept moving forward but haven’t been myself. I have been creative but not in the typical sense…I’m not making grand paintings, but I did create an awesome cabinet stair and I’m hoping to find me on my mountain top this spring and summer. I’m hoping to find that deep need for creative outlet will keep me going through anything the universe has in store for me. Sometimes the thick gets in the way and we get lost…but I have faith that the journey to find my way out will not only keep me moving forward but will offer experiences to feed my creative energy once I find my way out of being lost.

Life after the death of a loved one

life as an artist, the world I live in, tiger tale



Moving on after losing a loved one is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I haven’t mastered it by any stretch of the imagination. When my dad and Grampa and even my dog died in 1999, I was a wreck for over a year…When my mom and aunt and even another dog died in 2016… I…I just haven’t been quite the same. I’m going through the motions. I’m building a cabin at TM and I get up and go to work every day but I have to force myself to “be strong” and not fall apart every time someone looks at me.

This is my first attempt at getting back into the real world. I had stopped blogging when I went back to a “real job” and I swore I could do it without losing my handle on art so I put some energy into painting and I had art in a gallery every month of 2016, but I just haven’t been able to really go anywhere with it because I really just don’t know how. I struggle to talk about anything now. Its been hard for so long now…I’m not sure how to start. This may all seem like gibberish…that’s fine…If I can just get the pump primed by letting the emotional block loose just a bit…

I guess I’m at that age where everyone I know is either taking care of a parent or they have lost a parent recently and that makes it even harder to let out my emotion because I don’t want to make it all about me when I see so many others going through the same thing and hurting just as bad. Even those of us with issues with our parents from youth have learned to see beyond those petty issues and see the person we once thought was invincible become weak and frail and somehow we found ourselves hopelessly in love with the person we once thought just “didn’t get us”… Saying good-bye is so much easier when you are angry…when you let in the love…it hurts so…so much more…

Thanks for putting up with my babble…it may take a few tries to get the words to flow again…I have so many things I want to say…I just have to figure out how to get them out of me…

Love and hugs and happy thoughts…

Caitlyn Jenner

life as an artist, the world I live in

Yesterday, Caitlyn Jenner gave a very emotional speech at the ESPY Awards. You can watch it here… https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=LZt7hDR6YYU 

I feel absolutely compelled to talk about my feelings about this subject. For a long time I have felt very upset that our society puts so much pressure on everyone to fit in a box of one kind or another. You must check the box on most job applications and any time you fill out a survey for a company or product… Are you white, black, other…do you identify as male, female, LGBT…WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING BOX???!!!!!

Before I get too much into the Jenner thing, I feel I need to preface it with my thoughts from when they passed the same sex marriage law and opened up a new world for people who love each other to be able to live freely within a monogamous relationship protected by law, I got so angry when I found out folks were “deleting folks from their “friends” lists for supporting same sex marriage… prejudice is so much bigger than black/white…gay/straight…fat/skinny…tall/short…male/female…the list goes on and on…it is a shame that people look for the difference instead of the similarities…open your mind…‪#‎WEAREALLHUMAN‬! and if you gotta know my labels….I’m a tall, fat, straight, white, girl that can swing a bat, and an ax and cook up a mess and hold my own in a garage…go ahead and delete me…I support HUMANITY!” (quote taken directly from my Facebook page from a post from Dani Day June 28 at 6:49am)

That post brought in many comments and private messages including one person who basically attacked me for NOT DELETING folks who disagreed with my point of view! My response to that is below…taken from the thread referenced above…

“I just recieved a very interesting message (based on this post) so I am putting this out there for anyone wanting to know my views…I am a very outspoken person and will speak my mind when i feel the urg…but just like I speak out about folks deleting folks for supporting, I will not delet folks for not supporting. If anyone attacks me personally, I will stand up…If anyone attacks someone I care about, I will stand up…if anyone attacks someone I don’t know and I hear about it or witness it…I will stand up! but I believe equality is ALL encompassing and I believe everyone has a right to what they think and feel and believe. Therefore…I will not delete you for not thinking what I think…I will not delete you for not jumping on my bandwagon…I even read oposing comments and statements here and elsewhere so that I can be informed of the other views to round out my own perceptions of the world. I don’t run away from conflict…I embrace it and look for ways to bridge the gap…not make it bigger…I don’t care if you are on one side or the other…I am ME and I think what I think and I want ALL people to be respected for being HUMAN…my crayon box has many colors and some are even broken, but my crayons all make beautiful pictures…with LOVE and HUMANITY in mind…”

With all that said…when I first heard that Bruce Jenner was going to step into the world as a woman, I was angry…not that “he” was hiding his true feelings or that it put any question about “his” masculinity or sexuality or whether that meant he was any less of a person or any of the other ridiculous reasons I have heard people disrespecting the choice he made…

I was angry because I felt like it is such a shame that this society has put so much pressure on us to fit in a box that we have to choose to undergo extreme body reconstruction and hormone treatments to fit in a box that we were not born to be in! I am not saying there is anything wrong with a male identifying as female or vise/versa…I was born with boobs and a vagina but I feel more like a “man” by societal norms than a “woman” at times because I am 6’3″ and am very capable of taking care of myself and can handle power tools as well as any “man”…yet I was lucky enough to have a mom and grandparents that taught me that I could do or be anything I wanted and it was never an issue of sex.

Sometimes I feel like the reason so many Transgendered people kill themselves and do things to basically mutilate themselves is because this society tells them they HAVE to conform to a box of this societies choosing and if they don’t fit, they will cut parts off…add parts on…augment, suck out or do anything they can to fit…if they don’t want to cut up their bodies, they tend to just end the suffering…WTF???!!! And this isn’t just a Transgendered issue!!!! Women and Men who do not change their sex physically mutilate themselves to fit in the box labeled “beauty” that this society has placed in every store window and iPhone!!!

I commend Caitlyn for sticking up for all the Trans folks out there and saying that its ok to be who you are…but I still disagree that you should have to chop off your adams apple or do anything else to surgically/hormonally change your body you were born with…the reason Bruce felt like a woman trapped in a man’s body is because society wouldn’t allow “him” to wear a dress in public or play with nail polish or have long hair or what ever other societal stigmas disallowed the person inside to be fully the person inside…

Maybe it’s easier for me…I’m a woman and for whatever reason, we are more accepted when we wear jeans and short hair than when a man wears long hair and a dress…but that again is the FUCKED UP way society has made the rules for identity boxes…I wear my hair short sometime…sometimes it’s long…sometimes I wear pants…sometimes I wear a dress…but most of the time, I just wear what’s comfortable…I don’t wear makeup very often and when I do it’s because society says I’m “supposed” to when I go out or to a job interview…that sucks!!!

I have worn many labels in my life and I have been forced to pick some for folks to understand me better through their filters but I am taking a stand now that I will do my best not to wear anymore labels!!! I will avoid being placed in BOXES…I have boobs and a vagina! I don’t shave my legs or under arms…cuz it’s there for a reason…I like to paint my nails sometimes because I like pretty colors…I like to play rough but will cry if I get hurt… I love men…I love women…I love people…I identify and get along more with most men than I do with most women…but I have had wonderful relationships with both…I’m not going to put a label on what that is other than it is ME and I am OK being ME!

Bravo Caitlyn for doing your thing…I wish I could have met you as Bruce but love you as Caitlyn too! I’m sorry you have had to endure so much pain physically and emotionally to find yourself and claim your identity…I hope that we as a society can get to a point where people don’t have to go to the extremes that you did to get the world to hear you and accept you…

One day, I hope that all people can be accepted no matter what their race, religion, sex, color, height, weight, job, income, cup size (boobs or balls) or any other potential boxed identity may be…