Have you ever climbed out of bed in the morning feeling like there was just something missing in your life? You couldn’t figure out what it was but you knew there was a hole in your big picture?

I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately. First I thought it was because I have lost so many people I love in less than a year…My mom, 2 aunts, a cat and a dog. Then I thought maybe it was because I’ve become so overwhelmed by politics that I was just “upset” and that all would be well once the shock of the current craziness wears off.  I quickly realized that the crazy is here to stay for at least 4 years and there is not much I can do about it other than stay away from the extremes on either side of the political pendulum.

After some soul searching and a few cups of my favorite homemade ginger and cinnamon tea, I decided to meditate on it for a while and see if my universal connection could give me some answers. Come to find out…it wasn’t anything external at all…I was missing…I have been going through the motions and doing what I’m supposed to do on a very superficial level. I have not been ME for a while now.

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I know I said I could manage a full-time job and continue to do art and be creative. Well, maybe I was wrong. I did manage to have a show every month of 2016 but many of the shows were just recycled versions of the ones before. I only created a few small new works in 2016. Again, I will give myself a bit of slack. I was hit hard by death and devastation in 2016 and the fact that I kept my head up at all was only due to my grandma in my head saying…”find the blue jeans…”

I guess sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself. I know deep in my heart that TM is “home” for me. I feel homesick when I can’t get up there. I am working to get a small cabin built there and have started on the studio space. I spent every moment I could there last summer and even into late fall trying to get things ready for the thaw this year so my “home” can be completed.

Here is a link to a post on Facebook after I built a cabinet stair for the studio. And this is the beginning of the hole in the ground… waiting for spring thaw to build the cabin…

I’ve been very lost this past year. I’ve kept moving forward but haven’t been myself. I have been creative but not in the typical sense…I’m not making grand paintings, but I did create an awesome cabinet stair and I’m hoping to find me on my mountain top this spring and summer. I’m hoping to find that deep need for creative outlet will keep me going through anything the universe has in store for me. Sometimes the thick gets in the way and we get lost…but I have faith that the journey to find my way out will not only keep me moving forward but will offer experiences to feed my creative energy once I find my way out of being lost.