So…in Step One, I said…”…eliminate all things, people and emotional baggage that serves no purpose toward helping me reach my highest potential in the creative process!”
Somehow, I thought I could give up all my worldly possessions and become some sort of Zen master as I embarked on this journey. I was already starting out with pocket change and thought pennies and a little pocket lint could get me started on my grand journey and new adventure! Then…I got the utility bill…and the tax man visited and I had to pay for gas to get to the new Tiger Mountain…wow…what a buzz kill!
I thought to myself, “I could just find more project work!” That is what I have been doing for over a year now trying to supplement my measly earnings from my now drastically cut back “job” and all I would need to do is land that awesome gig building a website to get me over the hump and back on the track that leads to creative freedom and spiritual growth.
In my quest for projects, I ran across ad after ad grabbing at my desire to reach my full potential in art and the creative process and scam after scam from “get rich and find your center” programs and online tutorials from various religious and spiritual sales people. When did Buddhism start charging money for enlightenment? I must have missed that memo…
The beast within quickly came to the surface as I realized I need money and I need it badly! The internal fight over money vs sanity has set in and I find myself battling my own desires for peace and tranquility…I can easily justify going back to the corporate world I so despise to make a buck or two to get me through…WTF?! I know me…I know that if I go back to that world, I will get sucked in and drained of all of my desire to create and possibly my desire to live…so why would I even consider it?
Because I am scared…I’m scared of success and failure at the same time…what if I put everything I have into just making and selling art? Well…if I am successful, I have to do it indefinitely. OMG…what does that mean? If I am not successful, what does that mean? I’m not good enough? F***! I have been halfassing it for a while now…I do a little art and mostly newsletters and web updates and dumb stuff that pays pretty well but sucks rocks for enjoy ability…I’m like the dog and bone story…I’m walking over the bridge with my bone in my mouth looking at my reflection in the water below…should I drop the bone and go after the one I see reflected or keep trotting over the bridge to the other side? I don’t want to lose the bone I already have for one that may not really be there…
Time to get back on the horse! I need to get organized…I need to make more art! Starting right now! So here it is…if you would like to print this and color it…please post it to my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/ILikeAjaiArt
