Heads I do…Tails I don’t…

Ok, now what? I don’t like the answer. Some people believe whole heartedly in the outcome of fate. They believe it so much they will change their direction in life based on the toss of a coin or the flip of a card. Is that fate or faith? Maybe I don’t have enough faith in the divine to trust that the flip of that coin will really guide me to happiness and the pursuit of all that is good and will help me serve a higher purpose.

I think too much! I’ve long been a player in the game of chance. But, I don’t like to gamble. For those of you who are familiar with I Ching, Tarot, Numerology, Astrology and the like understand what it is like to seek guidance from a source that will often lead you willingly and unquestioningly in a direction until you draw the card or flip the coin that gives you an answer less than appealing. What do you do?

Its very much like those of you familiar with any of the monotheistic religions. You follow the law and word and then one day, the eternal essence of Free Will steps in and you question your decisions, your faith and sometimes even your worth in the eyes of the divine. Is this a test?

Is this fate? Have I lost faith? What is my destiny? I think at the core of whatever you believe from a spiritual standpoint, somewhere in the mix of fear and faith is an enduring feeling that we are here for a reason. I long for the answers as to what my purpose on this planet is. I know that I have been given talents and abilities that make me who I am vs another person that has talents and abilities I do not have. Why then do we have these gifts?

I know I am an artist. I always have been, even when my job title called me something else. But more often than not, I find myself not wanting to draw or paint. I know that writing is also one of my talents and it fits in the category “Art” but somehow even that is hard to pull from my being and give to the world. I don’t think that I was put here to keep it all to myself. I know deep in my heart and soul that I am supposed to share what I have been given. But…I am selfish sometimes.

I let the visions of my dreams float around in my head. Sometimes I make a quick note on paper of what the dream was about and even make a quick rudimentary sketch, but then I move on and let the visions swim in my mind and don’t share them with the world. I find excuses…I have to clean…I have to fix something…I have to…read my email/see what folks are doing on Facebook…watch the news on TV…

The excuses get lamer and lamer as I procrastinate my way through each level of avoidance…All because I didn’t like the toss of the coin and I don’t want to face the fact that I am here for a reason! Yes, sometimes all the distractions give me insights and inspiration but sometimes they just keep me from doing what I need to do…I need to create…I need to stop letting that awesome thing that swims in my head stay in my head. I need to let it out!

But what if others don’t get it? What if people don’t like it? What if someone has already done it and I just didn’t catch the wave quick enough?

This is when its time to call on that Faith thing I was talking about before. I need to trust that I was given the thought, the dream, the vision so that I could share it with others…whether everyone likes it or not is not the point. One person…one group…or maybe just the divine expression itself is why we are here…whether you believe in God or fate or the Universe as divine energy…maybe we are the only way the divine can manifest…

If you know in your heart that you are here to do something special…Do it! It doesn’t matter if your mission is to feed the world and you feel that you can’t do that as the dishwasher at the local greasy spoon. Open your heart and your mind to the possibility and you will find a way to do your part. Maybe its because you wash the dishes that the server can deliver the food that the cook makes that is given to the girl in the 3rd seat from the end that wouldn’t have eaten today if that young man hadn’t bought her lunch…

Heads or tails…We win!